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September, 2012

Does a Desire for Spanking = Sexual Desire?

By September 6, 2012 Domestic Discipline, Spanko Musings

Or Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Mantras

Have you ever heard a really classic mantra? One that is not fact, but said so often that the reciter of this mantra apparently thinks it’s factual. Mostly because the mantra itself has one fact depending on another “fact”. Eventually, what they’re saying even sounds–in a messed-up way–logical. Just because they’re putting these “facts” into a classic logic format.

My favorite all-time mantra is from “Idiocracy”, where a man wakes up in the future and realizes that humans are dying out from their own stupidity. They’re wondering why they can’t get plants to grow and the main character realizes that they’re watering the plants with an energy drink called “Brawndo”, and not water. When he asks why, they say, “Because it has electrolytes, which what plants crave.”

When he asks if they know what electrolytes are, they say, “Electrolytes are what plants crave.”

Admittedly, I don’t understand science myself. That’s why I married a scientist—so things could be dumbed down for me. What I do understand, however, is people’s tendency to spout bullshit, just to have something clever to say.

I get spanked for reciting mantras all the time. James has this funny rule about not saying anything that I haven’t learned myself from a credible source.

When it comes to what women want, though, I’m one of the professionals. Knowing what women want is sort of my job. I have never applied to the Steve Jobs rule of, “People don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” No, with publishing, they know what they want. You just have to put it in front of them so they can finally have it. With women, it’s spanking books. A lot of women didn’t know they existed until 50 Shades came out.

Now why do women want spanking books?

THIS is the question that has sprung up more mantras than anything has since Galileo looked into his microscope and discovered something very inconvenient.

My opinion is that women want spanking books for a more “clean” purpose than is widely belivieved, but there’s a few mantras out there that make that opinion–based on fact–as completely incredible.

One of my favorite mantras that go against my argument sounds something like this: “Spanking is inherently sexual, since women can’t possibly want it in a non-sexual way. Hence, anything that promotes adult spanking is porn, since porn is about all things sexual…”

 

Thank you, Logics Class, for that shining example of Fact A + Fact B = Fact C = Fact B + Fact D.

None of those facts can hold up, though, so it’s really sad that Fact C is so acceptable in modern society.

SO acceptable, in fact, that I have been chewed out by my mother-in-law and others for toting “Pornography” to poor unsuspecting women by selling any sort of book that contains an adult man spanking an adult woman. Don’t get me wrong–I love my mother-in-law. She’s really amazing and the fact that she knows that we sell spanking fiction and live a DD lifestyle and still talks to us is more than many can boast. But still, she has her opinions… And she fears I might be leading you all to hell by creating you all as sexual deviants through spanking.

The lecture goes something like this: 

MIL: I just don’t want you to lead women down a bad path by selling books that have sexual content, thereby making them lust. Lust is wrong. Bible says so.

KOREY: Actually Ma, He says not to covet. The only time where he says it’s wrong to lust was when one man tried to take another man’s wife. I’m not telling women in covet, I just put spankings in books. Sex doesn’t even have to be involved. Some of our books our non-sexual but they just contain some discipline scenes.

MIL: Which they’re taking in a sexual way, of course!

 

 Note that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with women reading erotica—not at all! I think it’s the best thing in the world for a woman to charge herself up and bring it back to their husband. Not the point I’m making TODAY, though.

 

KOREY: Some people, yeah. But some of them actually just like the romance build up between a dominant man and a woman’s journey in getting herself to submit to him.

MIL: Which is sexual. Which is porn. You’re toting porn!

KOREY: Sigh. So you think it’s wrong for a man to spank a woman?

MIL: Yes, because it’s always sexual.

KOREY: Do you think it’s wrong to submit to your husband?

MIL: No. Jesus tells women to submit to their husbands.

KOREY: Okay, so if a woman is going to drive drunk, and the man tells her not to…

MIL: Well, she shouldn’t drive drunk, anyway.

KOREY: Let’s just say we’re living in a non-perfect world where a woman won’t give the man her keys. Do you think she should just obey her husband’s order, especially since it’s for her own safety?

MIL: Well, yes.

KOREY: And what if she doesn’t want to? Even if she could get in an accident and hurt both of them—at least monetarily?

MIL: Then she’s a bad wife.

KOREY: And so they should divorce?

MIL: No. Divorce is a sin.

KOREY: So what should he do? Since when people are married one can make bad desions that effect both parties?

MIL: Reason with her.

KOREY: And if she still doesn’t want to obey him? She’s drunk, you know!

MIL: He should keep reasoning.

KOREY: And if he fails, she gets behind the wheel and kills a couple of school kids.

MIL: He should just force the keys out of her hand.

KOREY: Like wrestle them away? What if he breaks her arm or something when she’s trying to keep the keys?

MIL: That’s her own fault.

KOREY: So you think his accidentally breaking something is better than him ON PURPOSELY causing her non-lasting, non-harmful discomfort?

MIL: No.

KOREY: So spanking might be okay in this situation.

MIL: Maybe.

KOREY: So somebody writes this situation down…

MIL: Then it’s porn.

KOREY: Because the reader is sexually stimulated when reading it?

MIL: Yes.

KOREY: Who says? There’s nothing sexual going on here. Just a man taking the keys away from his ridiculous wife.

MIL: Because spanking is sexual. <– THE MANTRA AGAIN.

KOREY: But we just went over this! The situation’s not sexual. It’s a man forcing his wife to obey him!

MIL: Yes, but when it’s written down, someone might read it sexually, making it porn.

KOREY: Some people are turned on by a woman’s SHOES. Say I write about a woman taking off her shoes and her husband massages her feet. Should that be read as porn? Some people are gonna read into that…

MIL: Don’t be ridiculous. Who would want to read about spanking in a non-sexual way?

KOREY: So as long as I don’t put sex in the book, it’s okay?

MIL: No, because you’re putting spanking in the book, and spanking is sexual, and sexual activity is porn. (If they don’t use the mantra three times in an argument, the mantra is not living up to its potential.)

KOREY: Oh, no. I suddenly have a migraine…

 

Let’s face it—the only reason spanking has been so sexualized is because it’s so taboo. The only reason it’s taboo is because the feminist movement has made it Taboo… RECENTLY. They want women and men to be on equal footing where one is NEVER ahead of the other, and marriage is more like a roommate situation than a romantic relationship. Everyone can do what they want without telling the other what they can and cannot do.

What’s interesting is there’s a generational gap in place, here. I’m talking and arguing to the generation that created the feminist movement, when I am from the generation out to swing the pendulum the other way. More of my generation is interested in having a dominant male than theirs.

“As it happens, the prevailing stereotype of the Fifty Shades of Grey reader, distilled in the condescending term “mommy porn,” as an older, suburban, possibly Midwestern woman isn’t entirely accurate: according to the publisher’s data, gleaned from Facebook, Google searches, and fan sites, more than half the women reading the book are in their 20s and 30s, and far more urban and blue state than the rampant caricature of them suggests.” –Newsweek, Working Women’s Fantasies, April 16, 2012 by Katie Roiphe 

 

MY generation, Generation X and Y, know that roommate-esque relationship is on-its-head farcicle and has translated to arguments which then have resulted divorces—I barely know anyone whose parents made it through the 90s.

Because of this, I think women of my generation are beginning to pull back the pendulum. We know what we want—a man that’s more responsible than we are.

 

“It is intriguing that huge numbers of women are eagerly consuming myriad and disparate fantasies of submission at a moment when women are ascendant in the workplace, when they make up almost 60 percent of college students, when they are close to surpassing men as breadwinners, with four in 10 working women now outearning their husbands, when the majority of women under 30 are having and supporting children on their own, a moment when—in hard economic terms—women are less dependent or subjugated than before.

It is probably no coincidence that, as more books like The Richer Sex by Liza Mundy and Hanna Rosin’s forthcoming The End of Men appear, there is a renewed popular interest in the stylized theater of female powerlessness. This is not to mention a spate of articles on choosing not to be married or the steep rise in young women choosing single motherhood. We may then be especially drawn to this particular romanticized, erotically charged, semipornographic idea of female submission at a moment in history when male dominance is shakier than it has ever been.” – Katie Raiphe, 2012

 

I recall sitting across the table from my friend who wanted a relationship with a man who would spank her, but mostly because she said, “I’d only let him spank me if he was more responsible than me… I want someone more responsible, not less.” She had been married already, even though she was only my age, and she said that her husband, while nice, acted like a child she had to take care of. “At work,” she said, “I like being in-charge. I like them to depend on me. At home, I’d rather have someone to depend on.”

In short, I don’t think it’s sexual fantasies that’s keeping people reading these male-dominant spanking books. It’s just fantasies in general! These girls are so tired of reality, they’re over burdened by responsibility. They’re not fantasizing about hot sex, they’re fantasizing about a FIRM HUSBAND.

Case in point—An Unexpected Husband by Constance Masters is doing great in sales and we don’t think it’s even come close to meeting its peak. It doesn’t contain heavy sexual overtones, really—it’s just about a man who gets a woman pregnant and demands to marry her and be the father. THAT is what my generation fantasizes about… A man who not only CAN be depended upon, but who DEMANDS to be, who wants that responsibility.

Women are fantasizing about a lifestyle, a type of man. I think 50 Shades is just touching on that desire; it’s the tip of an iceberg and talking about sexual desires, in this point of time, is easier than saying, “No… I like dominant men.” Especially after we’ve emasculated so many men than dominant men are hard to come by.

 

Anyway—that’s just some of my thoughts. But I’m nowhere done with this rant.

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Spanking Party Blues…

By September 3, 2012 Korey's Real Life, Spanko Musings

Missing out on the spanking party… :(

I had a great time at TASSP enough that I wanted to make it my goal to check out every and all spanking parties. Especially the big ones. UNFORTUNATELY, life is tough. With tying up loose ends at Blushing Books before I go, with starting a new publishing company for myself and James… we’re booked! I can’t even tell you how many times we smacked our foreheads this weekend and said, “Thank God we decided not to go to Shadow Lane!” Shadow Lane is the largest spanking party in America, thrown at Las Vegas every year for the last 21 years.

We heard it’s the best time ever, too! But imagining ourselves trying to find time to go seemed nightmarish at best. James couldn’t even get time off his day-job to do it, I would have had to go myself… And to fill you in with TMI, on top of everything–nature has scheduled something with me this weekend that’s not cool with Spanking Parties. So nah. Nope, not this year, next year.

Because although it was a relief when we decided to take a pass this year, we felt bad that we weren’t going. We ENJOY spanking parties–A LOT (you can even read about it here in a blog I did in June at the Cherry Red Report: http://www.cherryredreport.com/2012/07/04/texas-spanking-party/).

What do we love?

Meeting people like us? Absolutely. Meeting new friends, seeing old ones again… Definitely. We can’t say we don’t love talking with people that have the same interests. There, you can meet friends on a level you never have before. You don’t have to HIDE anything. And spankos spend a lot of their lives in-the-closet with everyone they know. James and I doubly so because it’s what we do for a living. We lie our FACES off to our closest friends about what we do. We’re so vague with them they have to think we’re secret agents or something by now. With these people–what the hell are we going to hide? They know our deepest secrets already! Now, we can just enjoy each other at face-value. I can talk about work, James and I can even say how we met (on the chatrooms of Spanking Internet).

But more than anything… James and I are exhibitionists.

We didn’t know that’s what we were, not at first. But James LOVES embarrassing me in public with punishments, and this is the only time he can do it.

For example–when we were at Crimson Moon, one of the highlights of the party was when we were hanging out with friends and I was “being snippy” with him (Hello? I was working, and he was asking all these questions!) and so he had me stand in front of him–a mere foot around a friend of mine, Vince, who was with his at-the-time girlfriend giving her a play-spanking.  James pulled down my panties and had me pull up my skirt in front of my friends (and there was more than just that couple)… All the way around. So everyone could see my… you know… vagina… while James was lecturing me. Of course, my face was beat-red enough for someone to mention it, and Vince stopped spanking for a second, he and his girlfriend fixated. “Wow. I’m embarrassed on her behalf!” Vince yupped, but he didn’t turn his eyes away. I wanted to melt into the floor.  James continued lecturing me until I was finally pulled across his knee–which as exposed as I was, I was perfectly happy to have his lap to cover up my front–and he began spanking me about 10x harder than Vince was spanking HIS girlfriend.

But really, I’m no different than James. I like sucking up the attention–the GOOD attention–from men when they take me across their knees for a spanking while James watches on in an approving way. More than anything on the planet, I like watching JAMES spank OTHER girls. Muahaha!

And since we were letting friends stay in a room with us at Crimson Moon, we were only seperated from them by a partition… And James and I had sex behind it while they were in the room. They couldn’t see us, but I imagine the sounds were unmistakable. I REALLY enjoyed it. Not often can I orgasm without just the penis alone–normally there needs to be more stimulation than that. Not this time. The naughtiness that abounded was such a turn-on that I was orgasming in moments.  Now, would we have had sex with other friends in the room (the non-spanking variety)? Hell, no. We don’t even tell sex-jokes with our everyday friends. Our conversations are very PG. But this gave us a way to break out. Be naughty, try new things…

And so, while our friends have had a blast at Shadow Lane all weekend, we really missed out, and we’re feeling it. Nothing to have been done for it–it had to be missed. But spanking parties only happen a couple of times a year… And we missed our oppertunity. Next year, Shadow Lane. NEXT YEAR, the Johnsons are a’commin’!

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