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February, 2009

Backseat Spankings

By February 14, 2009 Domestic Discipline

I’m not a fan of backseat spankings, so I’m happy that yesterday was really only my first one. First one for discipline, at least. Fooling-around spankings are good wherever I can get them!

I didn’t agree with the spanking—that’s right. I don’t agree with every one of my husband’s rules. Especially when they quell my attempts at side-seat driving.

Although driving is not my husband’s strong suit, I hate driving so much that I still have him drive us everywhere. It’s not that he can’t be great driver when he focuses—he’s just too smart to be a good driver most of the time. The inability to focus on mundane tasks is typical in geniuses—and yes, I think my husband’s a genius. Albert Einstein, for example, upon visiting the US got into a train station, and lost his wife. After he finally found her, he lost his tickets. Eventually he found those, too, but the man was notorious for getting lost in his own neighborhood. He was a space cadet. And my husband can be one, too.

Simply put, I’ve saved our lives with my side-seat driving more than once, but occasionally it will drive my husband up the wall. And he starts making threats. Yesterday was, “Korey, if you say one more thing about driving, unless it’s life or death, I swear I will pull over, take you into the backseat, pull down your pants, and spank you.”

So, I HEARD the threat, but it obviously didn’t process, because by the time we were leaving Costco, I felt he was trying to go to the exit line on the right instead of the much shorter one on the left. And I said, “Oh—you want to go to the one on the left. The right gets really backed up.”

He gave me a sideways glare and a sigh. “I’m gonna let that go. Last warning.”

So, about three minutes later, I said, “We’re in a turn-only lane.” Of course, he had just realized that himself.

Again, he gave me an annoyed look, but I shrugged. He didn’t say anything.

Two second later, I noticed the car to the left of us had its turn signal on. I was sure James didn’t see it because he was currently trying to get into the right, lane, too, and the car trying to get in our lane was crowding us. “Be careful of that guy. He’s trying to get into this lane,” I announced, pointing.

Before I knew it, he pulled into a parking lot. “That’s it!” he said.

“James!” I snapped. “We are a block from home. Let’s just go home. This is not funny.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t promise you a spanking at home. Even though I warned you, I let you off twice!” He found a spot and turned off the car. “Get into the backseat.”

I argued angrily for awhile, but eventually I put down the pizza on my lap, and met him in the backseat.

Backseat spankings are pretty uncomfortable, for the following reasons.

  1. It’s hard to take down your pants when you’re not standing up.
  2. It’s hard to get pulled over a knee.
  3. There’s no space for your legs.
  4. The spanking, when administered, is too high on the butt.

Not exactly the romantic spanking you might have read about. Still, it was a LONG spanking. If it was actually administered on my sit-spot I might have had problems today. But eventually, it was over, and I was still angry even though James tried to make off-topic conversation during the last block to the house.

I pouted for awhile, and then made fun of James for being a brute. “I still don’t agree with the spanking,” I claimed a few hours later. He thought about it for a moment, because I normally agree with his spankings after I’d been given one. “I just have to follow through. Normally, I don’t mind your moment-to-moment commentary on my driving. Sometimes, though, I do mind, and that was one of the times. However, I suppose you think we were in actual danger, even though I disagree. And because you said something because you thought we were in danger, I apologize.” He didn’t’ look too guilty. “I let you off twice before that,” he finally shrugged. But, an apology is an apology.

Still, I’m just glad he chose an isolated enough parking lot that nobody was witnessed to my spanking, or else my ego would be much harder to repair. But it goes to show—no matter where we are, James is obviously going to follow through on his threats—which is a really good HOH tendency, in my opinion.

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The New Paddle

By February 12, 2009 Domestic Discipline, Korey's Real Life

Alright, folks. I thought I’ve educated you guys up enough. Now—you get to hear about Korey’s spankings.

Do you distantly remember that my husband James and I have a DD relationship going? The thing you don’t know yet is that the DD is ever-evolving. We’ve only been together for 2 years, and we’re still not steady on how the DD should go. We’re just feeling it out.

Which is why in 2 years, last Thursday was the first spanking since I first moved in with James that was bad enough to make me cry.

Alright—rewind. I think you need a little bit of story. A little bit of why my ass was blistered, perhaps?

The story is that my weight fluctuates constantly. Which is really ridiculous because I rarely eat more than 1500 calories a day. You haven’t seen such a good calorie counter since Bridget Jones. I have a natural gift for counting calories. But one day I’ll be 7 pounds heavier than the day before. It’s crazy. I work out every day, yet still… the weight barely trickles off.

Since I’m a “normal” weight and therefore “healthy”, James doesn’t care about my weight. But I care enough for the both of us. And so he offered to “help” me with the extra motivation to exercise more than 4 times a week and to keep from spoiling my diet with binge-eating, which has always been by downfall. So James tells me, “You know what your problem is? You don’t eat lunch. You just have a big ass dinner.”

Of course, James isn’t a nutritionist, and I have no time for lunch, so I ignore him until he makes it “a rule”. But I’m not fazed by this, either. James isn’t a strict disciplinarian, by any means. Last Monday, we had a long conversation where he said he was going to get stricter, and that he’s been too easy with me. It had to be done, because I tend to get inertia about a lot of things where I don’t have the energy to get change in my life happening.

Alright, so—after church on Thursday night, I ask to go to Ryan’s (which is a buffet restaurant. It’s like the sizzler. I love it) because I’m “starving”.

“What did you have to eat today?” he asked casually.

“Well, I had that half-slice of cake and some Lucky Charms,” I answer. Which isn’t much. Only 250 calories at 7:30pm.

“What did you have for lunch?” he asked.

“Well, I didn’t get to the lucky charms until about one, so that’s lunch,” I shrug simply. I do not yet know that I’m in trouble.

“Young Lady—” he begins to lecture, but he calls me ‘young lady’ about 7 times a day, so I’m not worried.

“It wasn’t too bad,” I assured. “They pack a lot of vitamins into Lucky Charms.”

“They’re LUCKY CHARMS!” he said incredulously. “I thought you promised me that you were going to eat lunch. EVERY DAY.”

“I didn’t have time. The day went by really fast!”

He just grumbled. “Alright, young lady. I don’t want you to make yourself sick at Ryan’s.”

“I never do!” I said defensively.

“You always do!” he assured. “If you say ‘I’m too full’, or if I see you put an unreasonable amount on your plate, we’re leaving the restaurant, going back to the car, to the back seat, where I’ll pull down your panties and spank you. And I don’t care if someone sees it,” he threatened darkly.

Feeling a bit ruffled, I chuckled, which is my best way of relaxing the intense threat. “I’ll be good,” I promised.

No—I didn’t get spanked in the car. I was good at the restaurant.

Afterwards, we went home. I worked on the computer, and he installed some drywall in our project room. After a couple of hours, about ten o’clock, he comes into the room with a paddle he made with our new table saw. I laughed when I saw it—I didn’t think he was going to use it. I just thought he was bored. And I had discussed getting something other than a spoon for when my spankings do happen. I hated the spoon.

“Did you make that just now?” I laughed, taking it from his hands.

“Yeah, well…” he shirked off the conversation. I’ve supposedly wriggled out of a lot of spankings through joking around and putting him in a good mood. “Korey—now, I didn’t want to bring this up until now, because I didn’t want you dreading it—but we have to have a talk.”

‘A talk’. ‘A discussion’. I don’t think these things mean what he thinks they mean. The dictionary would agree that these things imply a conversation, not his hand slapping my ass in rapid succession. But this is a confusion that HOHs have quite often, I hear.

“About what?” My brain shot right back to my last spanking, which I got from not eating this special sort of yogurt (to help me stomach problems), which I’m supposed to eat every day, but I went without for a whole week. I had been unusually good about eating the yogurt since I finally got spanked for it, so it couldn’t be about that. I had obviously, by now, forgotten all about his annoyance about my luncheon habits.

The reason why I had forgotten is probably because he had lectured me about lunch quite a few times—in fact, I lost count of how many times he’d lectured me about eating lunch. I just kept shirking him off. After all, in the 8th grade I had lost 20 pounds when I had stopped eating lunch, and I was still certain that I could do that again. And I thought James was never going to actually spank me for it, I suppose.

“Korey, remember how we discussed that I was going to be more strict about your dieting? I have made a promise to you to help with it, and that meant you trying my suggestions. You agreed before that you needed to eat more and smaller meals, correct?”

This is the type of lecturing that naturally makes me feel uncomfortable. It sounds like he had been thinking about spanking me for awhile, and has finally decided to do it. It’s nigh unheard of to change his mind once he has made his final decision. “Yeah,” I agreed sheepishly, though I was still combing my brain for a way out of my spanking.

“Good,” he continued, putting down the paddle. “Because I know you’re telling the truth—you probably just forgot. And the day can get ahead of you; it gets away from me sometimes!”

“Yeah, and you don’t always eat lunch!” I countered.

“I know,” he sighed. “And I’m going to do better with that, but I’ve never complained about my weight.” Of course he hasn’t. James has a body that might as well be made of steel. “I try to be perfect, but I don’t always hit the mark. But that doesn’t mean I can’t correct you when you’ve screwed up. And this has become a really common thing for you. You need to know that I’m going to spank you about this thing.” He sat on the bed.

I winced. He was already sitting. He was already in “Spanking Korey Position”.

“Now, take down your pants,” he ordered.

My heart is now beating superfast. Is there truly no way out of the situation? I thought I was FINE not three minutes ago!

Honey,” I begin to argue, stiffening.

“Take off your shirt, too,” he said. “You can leave on your bra.”

That was new. “James, really!” I said, horrified.

“Okay, bra, too,” he said, narrowing his eyebrows, looking annoyed. “Stop arguing and come here and take your pants down.”

I wasn’t getting it, although I get it now. He told me about it later—he was making me take off my clothes as extra punishment! Luckily, I stopped there, before he got the spoon, heaven forbid! I walked my ass over and unhappily unbuckled my pants and began pulling them down.

Before I crossed his legs, he readjusted himself. All I was thinking about was how cold it was in the room, for some reason, and how naked I felt. I mean, I was called “Naked Korey” in high school because I was a little too comfortable walking around the dressing rooms without a shirt, but suddenly I would kill to have one on.

Finally, he pulled me gently over his lap. James continued to lecture me further on how I have to actually pay attention to his rules, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was too nervous. All I was concerned for was the well-being of my ass. James, although he was only using his hand, was well-remembered as an incredibly hard spanker.

And it began. It was quick but just as horrible as I remembered. I’m a gasper—I cry more by sucking air into my body than by crying out.

I’m not graceful, either. I’m more of a fighter. Not on purpose. I would take a spanking like a swan if I thought that was possible, but it’s not. My brain only thinks one thing in this position: how to get OUT of this position.

Before I know it, he pulled me off of his lap and took me to the corner. He left the room for a moment, (a very short moment. He was really only gone a minute or two). When he came back, he had a chair in his hands and stuck it into the middle of the room. “I’m sorry, but we’re going to experiment here. I’m trying to find a new position that helps when you’re fighting me.” He went and took my belt off my jeans, which I had kicked mid-spank onto the floor. He doubled it over in his hands before he deemed it unsuitable. He walked past me and walked into the closet and took out his belt.

“James!” I gasped. I didn’t think that I had done anything worthy of a belting offense.

“This is going to be a hard spanking, Korey,” he informed me. “I want to nip this in the bud.” After which, he sat on the chair and called me over to him.

Hesitantly, I put myself over his lap, putting my hands on the ground so my head didn’t scrape across the floor.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked with genuine concern as I wriggled around, looking for a spot where it didn’t feel like his knee was jabbing into my gut.

“I think so,” I said hoarsely.

“Give me your hand,” he told me.

“No, that’s okay. I’ll keep it on the floor.”

“No, Korey. I don’t want to hurt you because you’re trying to protect yourself,” he harangued.

“I can’t be comfortable and give you my hand,” I informed crossly.

He tried to position me and then sighed sharply. He pulled me from his lap and marched me back over to the bed. Obviously, the chair spanking was not working out. It never really had. We used to have chair spankings in the beginning of our relationship, but they never quite worked out. And this was why: gravity.

But back I was, less red in the face, but over the lap on the bed. He began to belt me nearly without hardly any further ado. I yelped, but he forced me to count them out. There were ten stripes, and all of them stung like the devil. I will say this much for beltings—they don’t really bruise. At least, they stung enough for me to be yelling out quite loudly, but I didn’t see traces of them at all the next day.

James stood be back up from his lap and put me back into the nearby corner, only feet from us. In the meantime, I suppose he was giving me a rest before he tried out the new paddle.

He grabbed the paddle and I inwardly groaned. My butt was already burning—I didn’t think I could take much more. I only thought “it can’t be worse than the spoon”.

When I was back across the lap, I discovered something.

It can get A LOT worse than the spoon. We’re talking instant-tears, folks. He brought down the paddle and I screamed. After I was done with my initial yell of agony, I noticed that the sharp pain I had felt from that first blow was not gone. So I screamed again. By the second scream, I was sobbing already; tears had escaped from my eyes.

A word about crying: I don’t do it very often. In fact, in two years, I had only cried from a spanking once—and that’s because I had an extra hard, extra long spanking that was merciless which I got from swearing at James in the car. I haven’t used the F-word since. Went to 10-20 times a day usage down to the big goose egg. 0. All from one spanking.

As I was suddenly sobbing, I think even James was surprised. I don’t know by what—either by how hard the smack was or from my reaction to it. Maybe both. When he had begun, he had promised that he would only paddle me five times. I sobbed and turned to grab his body in a desperate plea for mercy. He dropped it down to “three”. I cried harder. He dropped it to two. “Come on, honey. You have to understand that I mean it.”

I kept crying “No, no, no!” Until the second swat, which was a WHOLE lot lighter than the first, was given.

Immediately after, he scooped me up and let me cry on his shoulder. He cooed at me and gave me a post-spanking lecture that begged me to just take care of myself and listen to him, because he didn’t like giving me discipline spankings. He didn’t like seeing me sad, but he was going to spank me again if I needed one.

After I calmed down, we both got ready for sleep. I went into the bathroom and saw that the paddle had already made a round bruise on my ass. All the next day, I had the worst time sitting down. My ass was more swollen than ever. Though, when I complained to him that night that I couldn’t sleep on my back, he was somewhat proud of himself. He just laughed and told me to behave myself. “You’re just lucky I don’t normally spank you so hard.”

But still, I think that was the first and last time we’ll be using the paddle. James suggested that we go look for a better implement later. He did say he would keep it on reserve incase it was “absolutely necessary”. Hopefully, I would have to end up in prison before it becomes “absolutely necessary”.

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Spankos Vs. Sadomasochism

By February 10, 2009 Spanko Musings

I’m glad to finally shed some light on the difference between those of us who consider themselves “Spankos” and those that consider themselves sadists or masochists. The average public will normally refuse to see the line drawn between these. They’re confused, and think there’s no difference between the types.

Why is everyone so confused about the differences between spankos and sadomasochists?

Well, a lot of spankos and sadomasochists don’t know the difference between each other. So don’t give the public such a hard time. There are spankos that ARE sadomasochists, and vice-versa. Still, spankos aren’t completely absorbed into the sadomasochist group—they are not merely a “subgenre”.

What are a sadist and a masochist?

Here’s my advice to make this subject less confusing. Never use Wikipedia—it’s going to tell you these definitions: Ol’ Wiki says: Sadism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person. Masochism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification from receiving the infliction of pain or humiliation.

I think if you were going to use this passage to define a sadomasochist, then we were all a sadist at one point or the other, that’s for sure. I mean, who hasn’t wanted your rival to be humiliated? Haven’t you ever wanted to punch someone in the face? Wouldn’t that make you feel “gratified”?

I’m not saying this is the clinical term—this is just where spankos tend to draw the line: Sadists are people who enjoy watching other people suffer.

Some of them spank—and they tend to be really cruel spankers too. But they do not represent anywhere NEAR the majority of spankos, and certainly not
anyone who practices an appropriate DD relationship. There’s an element of control that normally goes on—normally spankers like being in control and spankees like having them in control. But DD folk don’t like seeing the other one suffer—their ultimate goal is to make their partner stronger and happier.

Masochists are people that enjoy pain. Normally there’s specific types, but where the line is drawn again is people that get sexual gratification—or just plain like—pain and humiliation by itself. It turns them on. I’ve heard of masochists getting turned on from the pain from their braces. I’ve also heard of a condition where the pleasure center in most masochists’ brain actually becomes extremely active while enduring pain. It’s sort of an interesting physical disorder.

By the way, I’m not talking about the self-defacing masochists that simply make their lives a living hell because their psychological state has trouble whenever they feel happy. Yes, they’re out there. And there might be a spanko or two in the crowd, but there’s always a few weirdos.

Okay—then what gratifies a spanker if not causing pain and what gratifies a spankee if it’s not receiving pain?

Not all spankos include all of their reasons, but there are different strokes for different folks that don’t include the aspect of suffering, or the physical elation that occurs in some during pain.



Touching bottoms

The feeling of excitement and nervousness pre-spanking

Watching a bare bottom squirm/wiggle

The tingling of swollen skin on the bottom during/after spanking

Watching a bottom turn pink

The attention

Watching a woman blush

The release of bottled-up emotions through crying and pain

Having dominance over their partner

Sexually arousing their partner with their bottoms

Feeling Control of their & their partner’s situation

Feeling more in control of their situation by giving control

The level of trust they are given by their partner

The closeness they feel with their disciplinarian


I know I’m missing a 1000+ reasons. Why are YOU a spanko? Write a comment and let us know!

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The Psychology of a Spanko

By February 9, 2009 Spanko Musings

Last blog, I promised to tear a new one for an article that was published by ABC news last February, called, “Study: Spanking May Lead to Sexual Problems Later“. And I will. I want to debunk the whole myth about where Spankos come from and how they come to be.

It’s not an exact science. Actually, I would be really surprised if you got the same history of a Spanko twice. We all came to being in such different ways! So, sorry, if you’re reading this for what you should and should not do with your children that would keep them from becoming spankos, then you’re done with this blog entry. I was into spanking since I can remember, same with my husband. Others I’ve met started getting into it when they were in their teens, some as adults!

Some spankos were spanked as kids, some weren’t. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most weren’t spanked as children. I rarely meet a spanko that was spanked growing up. I certainly wasn’t. My husband was a few times.

A thing I must address about this article in particular is this sentence—this is something that grinds my gears:

  • The analysis of four studies by Murray Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire-Durham, suggests that children whose parents spanked, slapped, hit or threw objects at them may have a greater chance of physically or verbally coercing a sexual partner, engaging in risky sexual behavior or engaging in masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking. “

Alright—read the paragraph, and read the lettering in blue. Are they serious? Are they seriously lining spanking up with slapping, hitting, and THROWING OBJECTS AT CHILDREN? Yeah, that might screw me up, too, if my parents did that to me. My mother is an occupational therapist in a mental ward, so I know a lot about the histories of a lot of psychological disorders. I know for a fact that most of the people that have these disorders have had trauma in their younger life, including being beaten by their parents.

Of course, I’m not including spanking as “beating”. I’m not going to go into whether using corporal punishment on children is wrong or right—but beating? Beating your kid is always wrong. Throwing things at them is always wrong. Slapping anywhere other than the butt is always wrong. The appropriateness of spanking, though, is an actual argument—and I’m not going to argue this here.

All I can say is that people that take part in domestic discipline are always horrified and dismayed by people that go on ahead and throw spanking in the same pool as hitting and throwing things at someone. Physical abuse, in short. Most of the people in the lifestyle are not trying to throw out their anger on someone, or hurt the person they love. DD folks feel what they’re doing isn’t controlling someone; it’s helping that person control themselves.

This is why they say that spanking leads to spankos: because it has something to do with how the child processes the punishment.

“They may internalize that to mean that in loving relationships sometimes there’s pain or physical aggression,” she says. Another possible lesson is that “whoever is stronger and has more power can overpower the other person and use physical aggression to control the other person’s behavior.”


Sigh. I think they’re getting the desire of spankos mixed up with bullies. Not all spankos are bullies. Bullying is not what gets most of us off, I assure you. A lot of spankos are in it for different reasons. Some like just the site of a naked ass. Some people like the sight of a pink ass. Simplistic, maybe. But honest. Others get off of the humiliation portion of a spanking—the reducing a person to a childlike state through making them feel vulnerable, and then helping them recollect themselves again. Some people are into spanking because they think it’s emotionally releasing.


I’m not going to bore you by ranting—I think most of you reading this article have been exasperated by similar assumptions and judgments. But it’s really my belief that it’s all a misunderstanding. I think these people need to be better informed.


I think most people’s problem is they don’t know our motivations—our inner selves. They don’t know what makes us tick, so they have to assume. And you know what they say when you assume.


A lot of the confusion that makes spankos seem so ludicrous to the vanilla crowed is from people not being able to decipher between masochists and spankos. Well, in my next blog, we’re going to be spelling it out. So stay tuned.

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Finding a Good HOH

By February 6, 2009 Domestic Discipline

Why is it so hard to find a HOH? It’s certainly not as easy as looking underneath a rock. It’s a tricky business, and really, you need luck to pull it off. Especially if you want a guy who’s “into spanking”, and even harder when you want a guy who respects the DD Lifestyle.

Alright, smarty pants—how did you find a suitable mate?

Well, the short story is that we met on the internet. Although it can be very unsafe if you’re not careful, it can also be a “bigger pool” of which to fish from. James, my husband, sent me a random chat. This certain fact helped me as it has helped so many other women:     I WAS NOT LOOKING. Not even window shopping. That’s always when Mr. Right comes along. Of course, he had qualifications. Enough qualifications, in fact, that I dumped the job in Pennsylvania I was offered and moved down to Austin, Texas to live with him.

Do all HOHs have “qualifications”?

Yes. Keep in mind that I’m one of those believers that think you cannot change a man. This fact slims down your choices considerably, since now you’re only looking at men that already have everything you require.

Not all HOHs are rich. Not all HOHs are neat-freaks. Not all HOHs are earth-shatteringly handsome. But this is what they all should have already:

  1. Friends. Not acquaintances, either. Full-fledged friends, and the more loyal they are, the better. The reason you want close friends in a man, is because it lowers the chances that they push people away. In fact, they tend to be people that you like the more you spend time with them. After all, their friends did—his friends love him. You might be able to, too.
  2. A stable work life. I’m not saying the economy can’t womp him a new one. The economy’s crazy. An HOH, however, is responsible, punctual, intelligent, clear, and consistent. Of course he makes a good employee—his boss loves him, or at least would never want to lose him.
  3. Good Hygiene. Hygiene, such as bathing regularly, wearing clean shirts, etc. means that he’s considerate. He’s worried about the impression he makes on other people, and he cares what other people think of him. Also, if he’s wearing a clean shirt, he knows how to do laundry, and more over—he does it. Meaning that he’s not lazy.
  4. Morals. And not the type that change on a daily basis—his type of morals have to be drawn in stone for him to make a really good HOH. He’s got to know the difference between right and wrong, and he’s got to have the character to abide by his own rules most of the time.
  5. Chivalry & Good Manners. I know; you’ve heard “chivalry is dead”. But let me assure you, it’s not. It’s still there to show you who would make a good HOH. Chivalry (described, btw, as: the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms) in a man shows that he knows that there’s a difference between men and women, and that men have to take care of women wherever they can.


    He’ll show you he’s got chivalry on the first date, if he has any. Look at his manners—does he open the door for you? Does he give you his coat when it’s cold outside? Does he slow down his walk so you can keep up with him without jogging? Did he keep eye contact? If he did most or all of these things, he’s got chivalry. And, better yet, he sounds like a guy who wants a wife more than a buddy he can have sex with. Remember—an HOH will take care of you when you’re ill. He’s not someone who you may refer to as “the third child” (if you have two children to begin with, that is).


If I see those 5 qualifications, is he into spanking too?

I’m not going to dupe you. He’s probably not. You’re probably going to have to teach him about what DD is (refer him to my first blog, maybe) and explain why you want it.


I’m not saying he’s not going to give you a slap on the tush during sex. And if he won’t do even that, the man’s just being selfish. Men are normally very easy to coax into such sexual fantasies. And erotic spanking is not that uncommon at all—in fact, it’s one of the most popular fetishes in the world. (The top fetish in the world being feet. I know—I too, was surprised. Feet totally gross me out.) So, if you need a spanking sometime in your life, you won’t have to look far.


But will he want to give discipline spankings? Maybe. Maybe not. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t take to the idea easily. A gentlemen would be hesitant to cause pain to their women, particularly when they’re unfamiliar to the concept of DD. Men today have been trained so rigorously not to hit women that they aren’t going to recognize the difference between hitting your face and slapping your butt. They’re simply going to think both are completely out-of-bounds.


So, don’t think you can coax a non-spanko into giving you disciplinary spankings on the first date, or even the first year of your relationship. You’ve got to open a very open line of communication and trust. Then, and only then, can you make him come around to the idea.


What about getting guys off spanking websites?

If you’re destined to follow in my footsteps, and don’t want to play games, here’s my advice to you.

  1. Find out his fetishes. Is it just spanking, or will you have to dress up like a fluffy white rabbit before he’ll have sex with you? “That’s preposterous!” you may say. But it’s not. If you choose or something similar, be very leery & honest about what you can deal with for the rest of your life.
  2. Be safe. If you decide to meet him, meet in a public place. You have to feel safe, and he should WANT you to feel safe.
  3. Talk about things other than spanking. If you’d like, I’d talk about children, religion, movies, politics, ethics; everything. You want to know everything about this person before you meet him. Don’t waste your time with someone who’s obviously not your type. It’s not worth getting a guy who likes spankings but who you have nothing else in common with.
  4. Don’t feel pushed into sex or spanking until you are ready. I didn’t have sex with James until 8 months after I met him, and we had been living together for four months. (He didn’t believe in sex until marriage, but I wanted to “try it out” before marriage. We compromised and waited until right before we got engaged. Now, I wished we waited until we were married.) Remember, there’s no turning back the clock once the deed has been done. And when it comes to spanking; he should be much more concerned about who you are as a person before he takes you over his knee.
  5. What kind of spanker is he, anyway? Yes, it’s important! Do you want a guy who’s a sadist, or a responsible citizen who enjoys the comfort and consistency of a DD marriage? Or do you just want a guy who enjoys spanking as much as you do? Make the choice, and seek it out.
  6. Don’t overestimate how much you like spanking. Not only do you not want to throw away a good man just because he’s not into spanking—unless you decide that that is very, very important to you—if you’ve never been spanked before, you have to realize that you might not like spanking as much as you think you do! Spanking can hurt. Don’t get a guy who only uses switches if you’ve never been switched, for example. You might be opening Pandora’s Box where you’ll find yourself in a spanking relationship that is way over your level of tolerance. If he’s a keeper, he’ll understand that and adjust to your level.

I can’t tell you precisely where these websites are—but they’re out there, and ABCD webmasters is cooking up something special in the near future that might help. Stay tuned for it.

What’s your #1 BEST advice for finding a good HOH?

DON’T BE TOO PICKY. Don’t think “soul mate” on this one. Soul mate’s don’t exist—think partner. If you have a man “check list” that has 100 items on it, I’d start pairing it down. Your husband probably doesn’t need to know 400 languages and know how to play the piano/guitar/violin. He didn’t need to win the Nobel Peace Prize. He doesn’t need to be a millionaire. He doesn’t need to have blond hair, blue eyes, be 6’5” and have Hugh Jackman’s body. Let’s start being realistic.

You know the spanking stories on Romantic Spankings? They’re awesome, I know, but 99% of those never actually happened. Men aren’t perfect, you’re not perfect, and relationships aren’t perfect. Welcome to the real world.

Hope that advice helped someone!

Alright, stay tuned for tomorrow’s post. I’m itching to tear this new study I just read a new butthole…

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DD for Dummies & the “Water Cooler”

By February 5, 2009 Domestic Discipline

I like you, the readers, already. I like you because you’re curious, you’re interested, and you’re probably open-minded folk.

You’re either saying “DD for Dummies—that’s great, since I don’t know what DD is!” or you’re saying, “Yawn, but I understand you have to explain yourself before you explain the lifestyle you’re in.” Well, yawners—don’t click off just yet!

Before I get into the “Dummies”, I don’t want you guys to think I’m all DD and no play. I like to think of this site as a sort of “water cooler” about spanking. Which is why I called this site “Spank Notes”, not “Korey’s Guide to DD”. I mention the “water cooler” analogy because I think we can all understand that it’s the place at work, or anywhere, that you linger around when you should be doing other things, waiting for some sort of social encounter, gossip, or information.

Alright, those of you that don’t know what DD is but somehow wandered unbeknownst onto this blog: DD is Domestic Discipline. It’s a cute term people that practice DD like to call a particular lifestyle where a nuclear couple—husband and wife—have put their heads together and designated one of them to have a sort of power over the other. I rarely hear of the wife becoming the HOH—which is the “Head of Household” aka the winner of the power-vote—but I suppose it can happen–especially in this modern world, whether or not that’s a good thing.

The normal DD lifestyle consists of the husband being HOH, and therefore he has the final say. “What,” you may ask, “Does he have ‘final say’ over?” The following list is short, because it names just a few:

Final Say over…

Household rules
    (Including swearing, wearing shoes in the house, informing the other partner when adopting a dangerous pet, etc.)
Household chores
    (Including who changes the kitty litter and how often, who does dishes and how often, who takes in the cat to get vaccinated, etc.)
Household Moves
    (Including moving to Denmark, Antarctica, Mosquito Coast, wherever.)
Couple’s interactions with others
    (Including going on shopping trips with your shopaholic friend, letting a friend talk you into buying a boat, lending large sums of money to a friend, etc.)
    (Including major purchases, credit card bills, determining the payer of the bills, determining how much money needs to be donated and to what charities, etc.)

It’s not that the HOH makes all the rules. Normally a couple can get together and agree on most of them. “Final Say” is just what happens when there’s a 1-to-1 vote, when both arguments have been deliberated, but a decision must be made.

The HOH normally doesn’t get to use the “final say” card as much as you may fear. In fact, a good HOH won’t always choose what he wants—he’ll always try to choose what’s best for his wife and his family. In fact, when either choice is acceptable, it’s optimal for the HOH to do what his wife would prefer most of the time. Being HOH isn’t just about getting what you want, after all.

The HOH, however, enforces the rules. And when he enforces them with discipline of any sort, we call it “Domestic Discipline”. Domestic Discipline has a few different facets. The only thing we don’t support on this blog is ALDD (see below).

  • Domestic Discipline (DD)
        Domestic Discipline is performed by couples that use this lifestyle in hopes of becoming better couples and community members. The HOH chastises his partner to make her a better person by keeping her in line when she messes up. He, in return, tries harder than most to be a good person so that he sets a good example for his wife. Love, of course, is the primary reason behind the DD—love of the partner here implies that you are willing to go out of your way to help your partner become a better, stronger person and community member. To reiterate, the husband does not always force his wife to do what he wants, he only chastises her when her behavior is hurting herself, her community, or her family.
  • Christian Domestic Discipline. (CDD)
        A Christian Domestic Discipline relationship is a DD relationship. The difference here is that both partners are Christian. And thus, the morals that they strive to live by are those set by Christ’s example. This doesn’t mean that the husband is perfect or expects perfection of his wife; it’s just what they strive for.
  • Advanced Loving Domestic Discipline. (ALDD)
        We don’t talk about this one around this water cooler. “Why?” you may ask. “It’s loving discipline, it’s just advanced!” That should be the case, but this term was made by Mr. LovingDiscipline who is obviously a sick, sick, lonely man. It has nothing to do with love, or traditional domestic discipline. He uses the term ‘DD’ extremely loosely, as well as the term ‘loving’. He uses the word “advanced” to reference techniques that would make Marquis De Sade blush. For more information, click this link. It will take you to a very honest book review on what he’s written. ALDD is a deceptive term that REALLY means “Harsh BDSM”. If that’s your thing, and that’s your partner’s thing, have at it! But it sounds horrible to anyone who really takes part in DD or CDD.


A word about SPANKING.

Although you don’t have to necessarily use spanking in a DD relationship, normally you’ll find lots of spanking interest if you go into any DD sources. The two topics are very common bed-fellows, and it’s no different here. I’ve been “into” spanking my entire life.

We’ll be talking about spanking A LOT. In fact, if you like spanking and you don’t like the concept of DD, I’d stick around if I were you because you’ll get a lot of your favorite subject.

I AM IN A CDD RELATIONSHIP. And I love it. I’m not a poor, abused housewife—actually, you won’t believe how spoiled I am. I mean, crap—I’m writing this blog from my house, from my lounge chair, at one o’clock in the afternoon on a Thursday. Because James, my husband, spoils me and doesn’t make me go to a real job. He lets me be a housewife. Spanking is my part-time job, my hobby, my life. It doesn’t pay very well, but then again, I don’t spend very much, so it works out in the end.

You’ll notice I italicized “DD” after the “C”. That’s because I wasn’t very Christian until about two years ago, but I still really wanted to be in a DD relationship. Wanted it since I found out what DD was. I think, personally, when the partners are Christian, the “C” is inherent in DD. In fact, even though I’m not a bible thumper, I think that the morals of most human beings are very similar to Christian morals, so in practice, CDD and DD aren’t that different. And DD is all about using discipline to maintain your morals, your beliefs, and your relationship with your partner.

What does spanking have to do with Jesus?!

Absolutely nothing. I mean, I could read you quotes that allude to men being the HOH and whatever else, but let’s face it—Jesus probably wouldn’t have spanked his wife if he was married. He didn’t have to—he could just talk his wife into being a good person and change her heart with the Holy Spirit.

Regular men aren’t as lucky. Of course, they also aren’t perfect themselves, as Jesus was, so they can’t lead perfectly by example.

They don’t have the Godly power to look into their mates’ souls—or to read their minds (but man, I wish they could!). But that doesn’t make them bad people; it just makes their lives a little bit harder in this sense. They can’t change their wives’ souls, or personalities, but they can help change her behavior.

But why spanking?

Because it’s easiest and least damaging. I mean, they could just ground us and send us to our room—and in some DD relationships, that’s all the man ever does to chastise his wife. Sometimes grounding works, that’s why it’s such a popular parenting technique nowadays! But let’s face it; it normally doesn’t work with adults. I mean, which of us couldn’t use a day or a week inside our room without having to worry about social relationships, TV, research, or the noise and hassle of the outside world? Sounds like a great way to catch up on my cat-naps!

Spanking is quick, efficient, and gets you back to your normal life after around 5 minutes. After which, you can pick up your kids from their soccer practice, cook dinner, go to work, go to your sewing circle, or go to your company softball practice. But you’ve been chastised—you’re in pain for awhile, and you’re probably a bit humiliated—you at least feel silly for getting yourself in that situation in the first place—but you’re less likely to do whatever you did to get a spanking ever again. And, because you’ve “paid the piper”, you don’t have to carry your guilt on your shoulders. Tomorrow is another day!

But isn’t DD inherently sexual?

It wasn’t in the “old days”. I mean, if you were spanked as a child, I’m certain there were no sexual feelings involved—hopefully! But spanking is becoming more and more inherently sexual mostly because spanking is becoming so outlandish and taboo. Not many schools spank anymore; most of my generation has never been spanked or seen a spanking with their own eyes. So people are curious about it, and sometimes good-old-fashioned scholar curiosity turns into sexual fantasy. That’s what’s going on.

People used to spank their wives, too. Often. I mean, half the old westerns you see on TV allude to as much. And you didn’t have to be “Into spanking” to do it. You did it, because how else are you going to direct your woman onto the proper path? Nobody else they knew was doing anything differently.

But I’m “into spanking” and in a DD relationship. I was into spanking before I was “into it” sexually. I was just obsessed with spanking as a little kid—it filled me with great happiness and merriment if I read it in a book, saw it in a movie, heard about it, talked about it. And I’m not too weird—it’s actually really common to find people in the Spanking Community with similar histories.

But am I into it sexually? Yep. I am. Does it ‘turn me on’? Normally. That’s why I write novels about it—just sharing my fantasies with others. Does it mean I LIKE DISCIPLINE SPANKINGS? No. No, and if it does to you, he’s not spanking hard enough. Not unless you’re a masochist, in which case you’re a horse of a different color! And I’ll no doubt be writing a blog about the difference between us soon enough.

Should everyone be in a DD relationship?


In an ideal world, where everyone’s good at heart, and the men in society are good, hard-working people who want to stand out in society in a positive manner and care about their wives more than themselves, then yes.

But unfortunately, that sort of society, where chivalry is revered and men wouldn’t even THINK about hurting their wives physically or emotionally, is dead, if it ever existed. I’ll be blogging about how you know the difference between a good man who deserves to be HOH, and one that doesn’t, so stay tuned. But I’ll just tell you right now that A LOT of people out there are not GOOD people.

What if I have questions about DD and need them answered?

Leave a comment or write me! I would love to answer your questions. I’ve been in the spanking circuit since I was thirteen. I know what’s what. I would love to share my opinions and experiences with anybody. Helps me come up with blog ideas, anyway. My email’s if you want to write me privately.


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